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August 2020






R  I  P

C-IJQP


 
I get that some will not be particularly interested in reading about this, so to that end I offer it in two versions. The first is kind of a "just the facts, mam" police report version.

    I went flying one day last month but had an engine out and glided to a perfect landing in a farmer's field. The problem was fixed and I took off from the field only to have a second engine out within seconds causing a stall with no good options to land. The plane augured into the field from 50-75 feet, nose first upside down. I was taken to the hospital with relative minor injuries and am on my way to a full recovery but my plane was destroyed.

The end.



For those wanting the full story with all the lip smacking gory details, I offer this second version.

    I have wanted to fly for decades but kept putting it off because there was always something that we decided was a higher priority. When I finally took the plunge 10 years ago, it was a major withdrawal from the marital love bank. A boy has to do what a boy has to do and I was like a dog chasing a bone.

Besides the financial hit, there was a much greater time commitment involved than I would have expected and it never really let up. First, it was 4 summers of building the plane. Then it was flying lessons. Then it was gaining enough 'seat time' to be a safer pilot. Then it was adding floats. Then it was getting my passenger carrying rating, float pilot rating and finally my certified instructor rating. Then it was endless maintenance. Then there were two accidents (one mechanical, one entirely my fault) with their attendant major repairs. Then it was time to rebuild the engine, more maintenance, yada, yada, yada. I did the work, but it was at great cost to Janice too but she never wavered in her support.

Building your own plane and flying was like getting married. You have a good idea what you're getting yourself into without having a clue about the details. And, as we all know, the devil is in the details. I had gone to the nth degree to get everything ready for the grand finale.... 48 hours away from bringing my baby home to the island at last. I had built a floating aircraft carrier for it, had a refueling station in the works and was constantly asked by all "when are you going to fly it home?"

Finally, on July 24 th I flew for a final systems check and to double check that the retracting landing system would perform properly (an amphibious airplane has wheels that can retract in the floats for water landings) and treated myself to a nice long flight. At about the half way point after doing a couple of touch-and-go landings at an outlying airport just for fun, I set out for another airport on my return home. 

I was at 1500 feet when the engine just stopped. Never a welcome lack of sound at altitude, but one I have experienced a few times before. The purpose of a propeller is to cool the pilot. If you doubt that, watch as he begins to sweat when it stops. As unwelcome as the experience is, training and hundreds of practice forced landing runs prevented panic. So, I  picked a decent field, glided over towers and high tension wires nearby, threw the plane in a mad side slip to lose altitude and airspeed and landed in a farmer's tilled field with knee high grass. No muss, no fuss and textbook perfect. Except for being where I did not belong, there was nothing worse for wear.

As I have always done when caught in a pickle away from home, I got on the phone to my buddy (and stellar mechanic) to come to my rescue. And as always, he and another pilot friend hooked a trailer to his pick up and drove to my rescue. Hours later they arrived and immediately found and fixed the problem on the engine. After a serious test to ensure all was well and towing my plane to the end of the field, I decided that if possible (the field being real bumpy), I would try to take off. If it was too rough or I got airborne too late I would simply abort.

So, off I went. The field was rough but I managed to get off the ground and airborne. This was a field, not an airport so it had limited length with tall trees around it and a big ditch and the farm house at the end. The plan was to simply turn through a large opening in the trees and keep climbing. At the exact moment I got into the turn, the engine quit... again. I was in the exact spot and position that for only a few seconds left me with no good landing options. People sometimes talk of home built or amateur built airplanes. I prefer to describe it as handmade or custom built. The irony is that the only part(s) that have ever failed on my airplane were purchased from manufacturers. Any part I ever built operated flawlessly. 

In spite of dropping the nose to maintain airspeed, the plane stalled and I augured in from 50-75 feet up at about 35+ MPH nose first, upside down. I was hanging from the wreckage by my right leg with my foot caught on something so I worked my foot free from my shoe and dropped to the ground. Within seconds my friends were there and I got a free ride in an ambulance to the hospital. The paramedic asked me how high I was when I crashed. I said "Well, when I crashed I was at zero feet". She turned to the doctor and said "We have a comedian on our hands".

The next 6 hours involved x-rays, blood work and checking me from head to toe. The nurse asked me if I wanted her to call my wife. I said no, that I would call her myself "In about 3 months, right after I get her the number of a good divorce lawyer". Bandages were liberally applied but the worse were the 5 stitches on one leg. I was badly bruised from head to toe, had multiple minor cuts, contusions and abrasions but not a single puncture or broken anything. I didn't remember undoing my seat belt and harness but I had gotten out on my own. It was later I learned that one of the seat belt attach points had broken with the force of the impact and I had slid out. That would explain the black and blue striped bruises on my chest.

Feeling like a bus had run over me and looking like I had lost a serious bar fight, with great difficulty I walked out of that hospital wishing I could fly home. I spent the next 18 days in a La-Z-Boy at home. I even slept in it as turning on my side was too painful. I was so sore that even my hair hurt. I maybe bullet proof but that doesn't mean I can't take a hit. Ever so slowly, I have been getting back on my feet.

The obvious question is what now? It was a decision I made on my way home from the hospital. I am not afraid of flying and if I was single I would go back up in a New York minute. I have had 3 serious accidents, 2 of them mechanical and until now have always walked away without so much as a bruise. That does not count the hair raising 'experiences' I had along the way but I was careful to never share with anyone but fellow pilots.

I decided that I simply could not put Janice or my kids through this again. I flashed back years ago to when I had a motorcycle. I loved riding it, but one day someone hit me and I was out of work for a while my foot healed. I remembered the saying that having an accident - even if not your fault - was not a question of IF, but a question of WHEN. I had a year old daughter and did not want her to grow up without her dad so I gave up motorcycling. This time I said I would find a new passion and Janice suggested sky diving.

I have a friend who diplomatically told me that sometimes at our age we think and want to be 45. He is right, but I don't want to be our age and think and act like I am 95 either. No one who saw the plane afterwards would have believed that anyone got out alive, much less with few injuries. Yes I am terribly disappointed that I came so close to being able to do what I had spent a lot of money and an enormous amount of time and effort to achieve my goal. My flying adventures have totaled 377.25 hours while flying some 31,500 miles, involving 763 landings. They have unquestionably been a highlight of my life and I have no regrets. I devoured every hour in the air like you would buttered popcorn at the theatre. I only wish I could have had 1000 more. I have wanted a lot of things and accomplishments in my life. I got and achieved many of them, but not all. I am enormously grateful for the ones I did and have.

I lost my plane, not my sense of humor.

One of my kids tried to console me by reminding me that there is a lot to be said for reaching out of your comfort zone seeking to accomplish something extraordinary, and to some extent I had, but not everyone wins the gold at the Olympics, the Super bowl or scores the winning goal. Not that I am suggesting I am in that league, but you get the idea. Being a pilot is still seen as a special skill because you can wrap your car around a tree and no one will give a rip, but bend your air frame and you immediately make all the local papers and are the star of the 6 o'clock news.

Rest in peace my little airplane. You were certainly one of the loves in my life. I will always be in awe of how quickly you would take me to the heavens to dance with the angels, soaring between the puff ball clouds, hover at tree top level like Peter Pan to see and explore that which could not be any other way and to momentarily touch down on some remote airfield only to take to the heavens again......ahhh, what fun we had in your 55 HP open sleigh.

The bachelor


A week after my accident, Janice flew to Oregon to spend a month with daughter Cassie. This had been a planned trip to give her a break from the endless quarantines she was subjected to here as a result of her need to cross over to the US side for chemo treatments every 3 weeks. Each time she came back after spending a few hours in the US, she was required to quarantine for two more weeks. The Canadian Covid police would call us to ensure compliance, drop by by boat to verify and email reminders of the exorbitant fines for breaking quarantine. I stayed behind to keep up with my retinology treatments and to maintain our alternating quarantine periods so that one of us would always be available to get off the island to get groceries and perform other needed tasks.

This left me with having to put my big boy drinking pants on and fend for myself. Before leaving, she stuffed the fridge with all kinds of good stuff that I now had to figure out what to do with. I considered starting with the top shelf and working my way down to the freezer but was told that was not the best idea. She left me a massive casserole which at first I thought I should freeze and save for her return so I could thaw it and tell her that I made it. Unfortunately, I got too hungry and ate it because I got tired of corn chips. 

Cooking takes a lot of time. If you don't believe me, try it some time. It cuts in to your day and prevents you from doing the things you want to do. Like sitting around. I was a quick study because even my first breakfast taught me that reheating hash browns in the toaster doesn't work. As I write this, Janice has been gone 312 hours and will not be back for another 15 days. I have offered her a substantial raise if she comes back sooner.

In the end, the winning combination in food preparation - like investing - is to diversify. 

                Breakfast                        lunch                 dinner


                     ....while being careful to remain hydrated

You see, hon, I figured it out.



A Facebook find. Our SS Honey Bee has 363 likes?



And finally....





July, 2020






The Eagle has landed

On June 18th, we flew from France to Syracuse, NY.  Except for the fact that we had to wear a mask from the time we entered the terminal in Nice, during all flights and layovers in Germany and Washington, up to the time we excited the terminal in the Syracuse NY (some 19 hours on the clock) it was uneventful.

As returning US citizens, they took our temperatures and suggested that we quarantine for 14 days. We chose to self isolate by renting a car and going on a week long road trip through NY state, Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont. There was a sign at each state line suggesting that all those entering quarantine for 14 days. Had we followed the recommendations, it would have taken us 6 months to complete the trip. If this sounds irresponsible, just know that for those 7 days, we were alone with each other in the car, practiced serious social distancing when ever we needed gas, stayed in Covid clean certified Air BnB's where we made our own meals and only visited outdoor sites (like lighthouses, beaches, forts and civil war battle sites). We were in the proximity of exactly no one. Besides, we as well as everyone else everywhere, wore masks.

This was basically the continuation of a 3 month lock down we had in France and a warm up for our entry into Canada where we were put on the strictest 14 day quarantine known short of outright imprisonment. The road trip allowed Janice to get her chemo treatment before entering Canada with no ability to leave for 15 days. As of today, Canada has extended its closed border until the 21st of August and there is an excellent chance it will be extended yet again. 

To give you a sense of the friendliness of the welcome, below is the email we received from them upon our arrival and twice more in the following week as a pointed reminder.



Welcome to Canada

Since you recently returned to Canada and have no symptoms of COVID-19, you must QUARANTINE yourself in accordance with the instructions you were given by a  quarantine officer. This is mandatory.  




This means you MUST:


  • Stay at your place of quarantine for 14 days, not go to school, work, other public areas and community settings.
  • Arrange to have someone pick up essentials like groceries or medication for you and not have visitors.
  • Violating any instructions provided to you when you entered Canada as part of this Emergency Order is an offence under the Quarantine Act and could lead to up to:


six months in prison and/or
$750,000 in fines

The Government of Canada will be calling to monitor compliance with your mandatory quarantine. You must answer calls from 1-855-906-5585 or 613-221-3100.


....and call us they did. A Covid compliance officer also called twice to make sure we were at home and insisted on speaking to each one of us. We could now write a book on "How to the time without doing the crime"

This means that since Janice must get her chemo treatments every 3 weeks she will have to go across to the US side for 3 hours and return to face yet another 14 day quarantine each time since she will have left the country. She will be spending 2 weeks out of 3 quarantined all summer long. I will face the same fate every 6 weeks for my medical appointments.

Of course, life can be a lot worse that being marooned on an island. During our quarantine, the only thing we could have used was more cash and more beer. Fortunately, we had our friends Bud and Bev go over the top for us by launching our boat, fetching our mail and ensuring we had what we needed.





Meanwhile, we celebrated Janice's 2 X 35 birthday.


This month's rant

Surely we have all experienced placing calls to businesses where we got a recorded message that our calls were very important to them or that due to unusually high call volumes we are being placed on hold. 

Since the Chinese virus has landed on our shores through, this practice seems to have come off the rails. Several calls I have placed have said that that I will be on hold for over 90 minutes. I don't know about you but at some point I feel that this is simply not providing service at all. Few, if any people will sit and hold a phone in their hand that long. Janice did, 3 times when we were trying to re book our plane tickets from Europe. Her calls got dropped twice after being on hold for an hour.

Lately, I have made 3 calls that for me, just took the cake. The first was when I spoke to an agent who told me he would have to transfer me to another office and my wait time would be 3 1/2 hours. I laughed at the obvious joke but he was serious. The second was a recorded message that informed me that I was ....wait for it....number 336 on the phone queue. Really? That soon?
The all time winner was my last call to a government office where the recording informed me that I was number 1,561 in the queue. I had no idea that their machine could hold that many calls. 

The Covid thing I feel, has become an excuse for our society unraveling. Most places where I try to order anything warn that 'due to the exceptional volume of orders, long delays are to be expected'. Why the sudden exceptional volume of orders - everywhere and for everything? What has changed? It's BS. Covid has become an excuse for not functioning, slow playing and simply not performing. 

Janice has opined that it's because of the number of people who have been laid off or told to stay home by their employers and for many, provided with financial incentives NOT to return to work. The government has not only been paying unemployment benefits but has given $600 - extra - per week to these folks. I have immediate family members who are recipients of this governmental largess. As a dad, I am please that they are doing well (or better anyway) and safe. As a taxpayer, I am outraged.

We have been at this since February. I get it. It has disrupted our lives and work but at some point if businesses and government cannot figure out how to make it work, we are all in big trouble. With 1,561 people in a phone queue, it's time to disconnect the phones and stop pretending we are in business to serve anyone. 

When they make me King, things will change. There now, that feels better.



OOOPS!



We had a bit of an incident this past month. We spent the first 10 days without internet or house phone as muskrats had chewed our submarine phone cable. The fellas from the phone company came out to repair it but soon discovered too many sections had been damaged, so they replace the whole thing....about 1/3 of a mile.

They use a high tech tool to locate the cable in the water. As seen above, they take a long pole with a hook on the end, snag the cable and raise it to the boat to splice it to reconnect the ends.





Our neighbors. Mom, dad 
(not seen as he is guarding the rear) and 
8 little ones who nest right off our island. 
Obviously, a Catholic swan family.




June, 2020



It's official



We are 'persona non grata' in Canada and have been kicked to the proverbial Canadian curb. My call to their customs office to discuss our ability to return to the island at the beginning of June went something like this...

We have a property and pay taxes in Canada! 
"Who cares?"
But we help support the local economy! 
"Whatever"
My family is in Canada and my poor mother is all alone!
"Beat it"
But I am suffering from altitude sickness (the lack of it) and my plane needs me!!!
"@(*^&%^)&%!!!!!"          CLICK

I even went to the US state department web site to look up a few verses of "OH Canada" to hum it during our conversation, but was met with the cold heart of someone living in the frozen north of the land of the free and home of the brave. The border is shut tight until June 22 at least, and most likely until the end of July. So we are required to pay our Canadian property taxes, but have been forbidden to enjoy our property - for the time being at least. It raises the question if anyone is taking political advice from the likes of Maduro. Our island is 30 bloody feet inside Canadian waters....so close but so far. Close but no cigar. 

Then, our return tickets were cancelled by the airline and they put us through hell to reschedule. Janice spent hours and hours on the phone only to have her calls dropped and have to start over from scratch, time and again. I get that this is all a real drag for the airlines but I would rather be forced to play a round of golf than to go through that again. As of now, we are scheduled to fly on June 18th with a few days to see to medical appointments before storming the border on the 26th. Ready or not Canada, here we come. 

For our flight, we will dress for success: Chernobyl casual (mask and gloves). No matter that we have self isolated for the past 3 months, we have already been told that we will essentially be political prisoners under house arrest, in TOTAL quarantine for 14 days with the Covid police checking on us by phone and visits to make sure we have not left the island. Huge fines await scofflaws. We will be at the mercy of friends to keep us supplied with food and drink. Especially drink.

For the life of me, I can't see how the airlines will get back on their feet. Thousands of flights are cancelled so if you want to fly to the few places you might be allowed to, you have to run through the gauntlet to get a seat. Then again, they have so few people wanting to fly because of the virus, besides having little interest in going somewhere where so much is closed. With so few customers they are hardly going to fly empty planes so they cancel more flights. More flights canceled translates in fewer choices to book. It's a vicious circle, a death spiral and a race to the bottom. 

In our case, we had prepaid, confirmed reservations for our return and we managed to re book new dates for 16 days later (June 18th). Initially, we were told that since the 'service level' we had booked initially was no longer available, (somewhere between cargo and economy) we would HAVE to upgrade for a mere 2800 Euros (over $3000). After sharing our feelings on that proposal, we managed to find an agent where cooler heads could prevail.

Even going to a restaurant (as they begin to open) my niece asked how many people would want to go and be served by someone wearing a mask and gloves and with a Plexiglas screen between you and the next table? Would you? Me neither.

Meanwhile, our last days here were in the phase 1 opening of French society. Like most places, I suspect, the authorities are winging it, changing the rules almost daily, insisting that they are making decisions based on the science and data, pretending that they are in control and dictating what is best for us. Aside from the arguments that some of the rules laws or executive decrees maybe of questionable legality, they are often conflicting and some make little sense. One of our local beaches opened recently, with the authorities present to enforce the rules. After you report and sanitize your hands before walking out on the sand (?), the sign below shows (albeit in French) that you may swim, walk and jog. But you may not picnic, sunbathe, or play any beach games. You can walk back and forth in your swimsuit but not sit and get a tan. Got that?




Ironically, 200 feet away is another beach (one of 95 within 30 miles of our front door) with no signs, or controls of any kind. They pretend to be in charge, we pretend to comply.



Meanwhile, we had our first breakout from isolation in 2 months at home
Next we had lunch at our neighbor's villa 
seen next to me on above pic



On the other hand, being home so much has allowed us to get 3 months to the gallon in our car.

Occupational therapy

Ok, being locked up for a few months saw us move ahead on our renovations here on the lower unfinished area at a pace we had never anticipated. Finished we are not, but a few areas did see completion. Here are just two of them. The before and after pics should tell the story.

Before: Someone's idea of a shower

 After



Laundry room before


After

Meanwhile...Janice said she would put a coin in a bucket every time I irritated her.
 She started an hour ago.






May, 2020




"How I survived a two month lock down"
or
How to do the time without doing the crime


The gift

Often when people stop working, their employer will offer them some kind of retirement gift. Traditionally it was a nice watch but the gift can take many forms including a cash bonus. When I retired, the CDC (California Department of Corrections) offered me a choice of a watch or a real nice Texas cowboy sized CDC themed belt buckle. Since I would never wear a watch (I have never worn any kind of body jewelry including a wedding ring) I picked the buckle and have never worn it either. As far as the wedding ring thing goes, Janice is always around to remind me so I am kept on a short leash.

The real lasting and most valuable gift I was left with is my renewable for life CDC identification card and its accompanied brass star, also commonly referred to as the tin or the badge. It has proven valuable beyond words on those few and rare occasions when I have had contact with the authorities. I can recall years ago when we were driving in Paris and I stopped at a red light. I had inadvertently nudged over the crosswalk line at the intersection when a furious Gendarme came storming up to my drivers window to chew me out, demanding to see my license. I presented it of course, but it just happened to be in my ID wallet along with the pretty large brass star. He took one look at it, smiled and leaned into the car and gave me a Hollywood air kiss on both cheeks saying "brother in blue!" I apologized for my mistake but he brushed it off saying that he did not want to hold me up any longer.

The platform I use to write The Epistle (Blogger) sends me a report each month as to how many people have read it. Not who or where but just how many. What I have never been able to figure out is why I only send it out to a select few family and friends and Blogger reports that MANY more are reading it. I can only assume that you two or three are sharing it like a bad cold with others who I cannot understand would have the slightest interest. The point of my going off on a bunny trail here from the subject is to make very clear to anyone who might read this that I never have or never would use this identification to try to talk myself out of a traffic ticket or any law enforcement action. It would not only be unethical but downright illegal. Fortunately, peace officers have a large latitude to use their own judgement as to how to handle different situations. 


That said, Janice has dubbed the star "Masterbadge, never leave home without it"


Family


Couples often have 'opinions' about their relatives, and more importantly, their mate's relatives. There is a reason why mother in law jokes have such a following. Relax, this is not about mother in laws because my mother in law didn't raise no dummy. No, this is about families in general.

Over the years Janice and I have had a good natured running debate about whose family is the most dysfunctional. With my having 2 brothers and a sister, she has endless ammunition to work with so she always wins. This month, my side got a big boost by second cousin. Turns out that she and her husband who live in Hemet, California, have taken on a sewing project during this lock down period. Since the end of February, they launched a micro factory of sorts, set up an assembly line that would make Henry Ford proud, and have sewn over 700 face masks and distributed them locally, including to a retirement home and to nurses.

Meanwhile, husband Joe has taken up the slack doing the cooking, laundry and all manner of activities a good house husband has taken responsibility for as primary support.


Head seamstress Monique

The product

A nurse in Colorado soon heard about them and asked if they would sew some for them also. So, 110 more masks were quickly sewn and shipped out. Folks like them make us very proud to be related to. You see honey, not everyone in my family is a dufus :)



The Covid thing

OK, so this Covid thing is getting really old. Like seriously really old. I have been in desperate need of a haircut and if I don't get one soon I will look like I did in college. Yes, a year or two older but still. I am getting closer to looking like a dumpster diver. The hair might be a little lighter too. OK, OK, quite a bit lighter. ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, already! A hell of a lot lighter! But you get the idea.



Yesterday morning, our flight back to the US was cancelled by the airline. With impending extensions to border closures it looks less and less like we will be able to cross the border into Canada to return to the island until the end of June at the earliest. We will probably end up being stuck here on the French Riviera beaches for another month. Somehow, I am not sensing that you are feeling my pain.

Meanwhile, if it wasn't for all the projects I have been able to work on here, I would have been as bored as an Amish electrician. Even the emails are getting brutal. One was titled "knock, knock" in the subject line. I opened it and it was a Jehovah Witness working from home.

The only other news we have is that all our rental bookings for both our home in California as well as here through June have all been cancelled. Something about a virus of some kind...





April 2020

The Corona thing


Corona virus? What Corona virus?

OK, so we have good news and bad news. The good news is that we are still alive. The bad news is that we are wondering for how long. We are in 3 of the high risk groups with age, Janice being on chemo and me being diabetic and being type A blood type. We have been hunkered down for a month, in virtual total isolation as are the rest of the unwashed masses. We have only left the house for medical appointments and to get groceries once a week or so. Oh, and the occasional authorized neighborhood walk. We have visited no one. We can't decide if we feel like we are in the witness protection program or like teenagers who have been seriously grounded.


Since March 16th, France has been on total lock down. A number of cities, states and countries joined in in the weeks after but here there is a big difference. It is not a suggestion or an order with no teeth as in most other jurisdictions. Here, no one is allowed out of their house without an authorized valid reason. Qualifying reasons? Medical appointments, getting groceries, going to a critical work site (not us), going to assist a vulnerable family member (not us) or exercising alone for up to one hour in the immediate vicinity of your home.



All persons going outside of their homes need to download, print and complete the government form below, explaining why they are away from home, where they are going and why. The form needs to be dated, with your departure time, signed and be in your possession each time you are out. A new form needs to be filled out for each outing. Failure to have the form with you or being out for an unauthorized reason results in a $150 fine. The lock down is not a suggestion. A second offence carries a $1600 fine, with a third offence $4,500 and up to 6 months in jail for miscreants. It is a flashback to WWII, with the Gestapo demanding "YOUR PAPERS?".  Below is the form itself.



At the same time, earlier in the past month we were watching the news, seeing people cheek by jowl on the beaches in Florida. We are mindful of all the things we touch everyday and had not given a thought to it. Gas pump handles, ATM screens, any public door handle, even small change. How many thousands of people have touched and handled them? We are now guilty of money laundering, washing all the coins in our pockets.

 


I know that we all get it. It's a draconian measure with the goal of crushing the spread of the virus. We are also very mindful that we have nothing to complain about, lounging on one of the 3 huge terraces we have, in warm sunny weather with the waves of the Med crashing on the rocks below. We could be like thousands of others, locked up in a small apartment with a view of other apartments around us. Our ability to get to the island in Canada in June is still up in the air with borders closed everywhere. We may have to bring a few marines with us, raise an American flag on the island and annex it to the US. The real issue might be if any planes are flying back from Europe in the first place.




We have asked ourselves if we should have returned earlier and our answer was 'absolutely not'. We are every bit as comfortable here as we would be anywhere, and there is as much virus here as anywhere. We have not seen lines outside of groceries stores and empty shelves. So what would have been the point? Not being Eskimos, going to Canada in March was out of the question. We did not heed the US department of state's recommendation that we return immediately 'before the window closes'. We believed that this would resolve itself by June or July when our visa would expire. We hope we don't regret our decision. Currently, the French government extended the lock down here until May 11th.
                                                                                                                                                                   
             Happy anniversary! (Practicing social distancing)


There have been other consequences though. In a clear case of age discrimination, Team Rubicon has notified me that they will not deploy anyone over the age of 65 for the time being. Not that they are sending anyone anywhere at the moment anyway. If they keep it up later, I might have to go online to 'birthcetificatesRus' to get a ...ummm... corrected one and update my records. It's funny how paranoid we can become. The least sneeze or cough can stop me cold wondering if I now have Covid. Then I remember that I am bullet proof and all fear disappears. 
                                                                                                                                                                                                            

The good news is that when this all over, many will still have a lifetime supply of toilet paper. Why anyone felt the need to stock up is beyond me, as the virus affects your lungs, not your bum. Meanwhile, this Epistle may be a little long in the tooth as I have had an extraordinary amount of free time to think and write this month. Then again, you have an extraordinary amount of free time to read it, no? 

                                      
        In case you are wondering, we really do understand



Project update

Seriously, we have taken advantage of this unexpected turn of events to move forward with our reno work here. Having completed the lower level living room, dining room and 2 bedrooms (one with an en suite) in the past few seasons, we still had a bathroom, a bedroom, a laundry room, a kitchen and a storage room to finish. It is the last area of the villa to wrap up in the lower part of the house. We had planned to do a little work this year but also to take our sweet time, travel and spend a lot of time with friends. We would get done what ever got done. No sweat.

That no longer being the case, we have returned to work here with a vengeance. It's like groundhog day. Every day, we have the same routine. Get up, eat, work till lunch, work till dinner, watch TV, bed. Repeat. Fortunately, I had a good deal of material before they closed all stores and building material suppliers. It will now be much closer to being completed before we leave, but we will have to wait till some suppliers re open to wrap it up. Our time, even under isolation, is being used productively.

Very few suppliers are still open, and only to provide 'critical' materials like roofing or plumbing supplies if you have a leak or need wiring and such. When I contacted a few, they told me they would only sell to tradesmen who had established accounts with them. Basically, they told me to go pound sand and that me or anything that looked like me could make like Michael Jackson and 'Just Beat It". Nice.

One supplier would sell to individuals but on the following conditions. You order from their incredibly limited supply and pay on line, then wait for them to call you with an appointment to pick your order up 4-5 days later. When you arrive you are required to stay in your car and show the man your receipt through your driver window. He fetches the goods and places them next to your car door and leaves. Only then can you get out and load it in your car. Personal contact? Absolutely none.

Meanwhile, I got the bathroom pretty much done in the first week. Water lines run through channels in the walls for tub, sink and toilet. Power to lights cut into the ceiling and Travertine stone tile throughout. Then all came to a standstill as no grout was available. Next was the bedroom. A little electrical work, Janice's custom finish seen below and we were good to go. The laundry room was soon a wrap, awaiting cabinets that we are currently unable to order.

The toughest part of the entire project by far came next. The kitchen is a cement box, kind of WWII bunker style. All electrical and plumbing needed to be installed from scratch. Not being real fond of the frequently used french style of surfacing mounting pipes and wire channels, we wanted to bury the lot behind walls and the ceiling. It all being concrete meant cutting channels in cement everywhere. Very slow and incredibly tedious. Each of the 18 encased ceiling light fixtures took 45 minutes to drill and jack hammer out an opening while standing under a shower of cement dust. It was more fun than I should be allowed to have for free.

Janice taking a break from cooking, doing the laundry and gardening. 
I love work, I can watch it for hours.



A stroll down memory lane

I can't help myself. Once again, I am republishing a story from 6 years ago that just seems perfect for this month as we celebrated our 36th anniversary. Be patient with me, I promise I won't make it a habit.




The riddle

OK, what do you get when you put a guy with big plans but little time for a haircut, together with a woman who is VERY ambitious and plays 'Grand theft auto" with his hormones?

I told you she was ambitious

The woman can drag the moon out of orbit so after 36 years this month, I wonder? Am I a keeper, or will she will toss me back into the sea? Somehow, someone got a video of my first date with Janice. (You really should watch it in full screen)



The voice recording was lost but as I recall, it went something like this..

"C'mon baby, you know you want to!"
"Get away from me, I'm not that kind of girl"
" I won't tell anyone, I promise"
"You boys only have one thing on your minds"
"Gimme a break, I NEED you"
"Away, you creep"
"Ahhhh...."



Travel blues

OK, I get it. It's a first world problem, so cry me a river. That said, it's still a real drag. Every year we book our round trip airline tickets (round trip meaning all three destinations) almost a year ahead. We don't benefit from any discounts because each one of the travel segments are 4 months apart. Of course flying steerage or cargo as we do, it goes without saying that all our tickets are non refundable, non exchangeable and non anything able.

We pick the flights we want at the outset with reasonable connection times. If we change our minds for any reason and dare ask for a change of any kind, they are happy to accommodate for several hundred dollars each. I know, I know, it's not a problem for you flying business or first class but for us little people, it can be. On the other hand, the airlines can change flight times, connections or whatever with no penalties. It was a little rich to see many airlines refusing to refund tickets during the virus shut down but were salivating at the trough for a government bailout - ultimately paid by those very people who lost their tickets, the taxpayers.

It never fails, every year we get several emails from them over the months after we have our prepaid confirmed tickets to tell us that they have made changes that make the flight times and / or connections significantly less convenient for us. Tough patooties. The thing is, I am far too important and my time is way too valuable to deal with these minor details, so I simply call on my travel concierge to straighten things out. Since she just finished doing the laundry and is currently making lunch, she will get right on it shortly.

Besides, her skill set is more attuned to being on hold for hours on end because of their "unusually high call volumes". She does take solace in that the recordings always remind her that her call is very important to them.
If you know of any petitions to address this miscarriage of justice, let me know. I would sign it in a New York minute.