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March, 2005

Greetings from the retired one. (AKA Michael’s Epistle for March)

Well 4 months into this retirement gig and I am getting the hang of it. My boss hasn’t called once for me to get back to work so I am beginning to really think I am home free and will continue to be paid for doing what ever my wife want’s.

It’s not all been wine and roses. California has had torrential rains this winter and our house there had our first renter in one month when a sewer line settled, clogger and caused backflow into the house. It took days for them to determine that it was not a backed up septic tank, water seeping up through the slab from all the rains or a cracked pipe in a wall.

They finally found the problem when they ran a robotic camera through the drain line…..chaching $$$$, chaching $$$$. To add insult to injury, the tile lifted in both downstairs bathrooms and the metal flange had rusted out at the cement line below one toilet, requiring them to jackhammer out the concrete under the toilet so they could replace it with a stainless steel one, then cut through the driveway pavement to run a new sewer line.

Our one month old renter was less than impressed considering that he had replaced the carpets in the house at his expense when he move in and they were now all contaminated with sewer….eh…..stuff. As it continued to rain nonstop, there were long delays in the plumber’s ability to do the work, making it simply impossible for our renter to actually live in the house so he had to move in with a friend nearby until it was back under control.

The good news is that we are smart enough to carry the best insurance that money can buy. We have the ‘super duper homeowners plus premium extra coverage’ type of policy. The bad news is that the first line in our coverage guide says that the only two things it will not cover are acts of God and water backing up into the house.

Sucks to be us.

This $10,000. hit will slow our projects down a little, but as my grandfather used to tell me, “it only hurts for a little while”

Duck, incoming……

We have sent out invitations far and wide believing (but not hoping) that with the distance and all few would actually take us up on it. We either seriously underestimated the powerfull draw of our magnetic personalities, or the number of pandering relatives, hangers on and leaches we know.

Seriously, we are excited that we are beginning an almost 3 month period of wall to wall visitors (If you don’t have a confirmed reservation by now, fuhgeddaboutit) Hopefully, they wont feel that we oversold them on the area and will leave with the same longing we have to return. (If not, we will settle for them just leaving!! J ) We have outings planned for all types depending on interests, age and ability. This is going to be fun.



Why can’t they just be like us…..

Surprisingly, driving here continues to require some of the biggest ongoing adjustments. It’s not hard in most ways. We didn’t have to get French licenses so there was no test to pass and getting insurance was just a matter of paying the bill. The laws, by and large are the same or at least quite similar. A few interesting exceptions are if you are:
· Caught driving 30MPH over the speed limit, it is a $2,000. fine
· No drivers license? $20,000. fine (no, it is not a typo)
· No insurance? $5,000. fine

So what’s the issue?

Well, the little things. Everyone knows that the streets in Europe are narrower than ours at home. The towns especially were all built eons ago so there was no traffic plan. Most roads travel willy nilly where ever there was the smallest or easyest obstacle, paying no mind to anyone being able to find their way around, much less vehicular traffic. It is not uncommon to find a large tree seriously impeding traffic flow or the corner of a buiding being out a foot into your lane forcing you to drive around it. They make it work alright but in a way we would never see or accept at home. Sure we have places like old town Boston where the streets are similar to here (non standard and narrow) and it is cute. But here it’s everywhere all the time and if the same conditions existed at home, a liability lawyer would feel like he has died and gone to heaven.

It is not at all uncommon for people or cars to pull over to let people or cars by before they continue on their way. The ‘roadway’ is simply not wide enough. The rule of thumb seems to be if the roadway is unbelievably narrow, it is designated as a two way street with parking allowed on both sides and drivers are to suck it up and get a life. If the coblestone street is ridiculously narrow it is still a two way street with drivers working it out among themselves as to who will pull over until the other passes (you are to fold in your mirrors to fit, if required). If the laws of physics preclude two golf carts being side by side then it’s a one way street with parking permited wherever. I am not complaining, I just said it takes adjusting to.

Speaking of parking, it is always amusing to ask an officer almost anywhere in Europe if it is OK to park in a certain spot, only to be politely told “no, you may not park there”. Fair enough, except that as the officer is telling me this, there are no less than a dozen other cars parked in the same area with no consequences. For anyone who has not seen the parking situation themselves it is almost not believable. Cars will park in ways that would cause instant road rage at home. I don’t know if the officers have simply given up or realise that there is simply no place for anyone to park and so ‘go along to get along’.

Interestingly, most businesses or private parking facilities have but one entry and exit to their parking area. That means that when you enter and drive all over kingdom come to find a parking place, the real fun is when you try to leave. You are now in a rats maze that allow you to drive up and down rows of cars often ending at a dead end where you have to back up to try another aisle only to suffer the same outcome. Hey, this doesn’t make them bad people, just not real Americans! I said I was adjusting……

An asside of sorts are the coblestone streets. Everyone knows that there are lots of them in Europe and they are ‘cute’. The truth is that as you would expect, the highways and country roads are all paved, as are some town and city streets. But an awfull lot of the rest of the town and city streets are coblestone (I figure about 50%) – and that includes some 10 lane main boulevards in Paris by the ‘Arch De Triomphe’. That, boys and girls, is a lot of coblestone. They are noisier, rougher, and when they settle unevenly they are often left with their deep ruts in the streets. But, they are so cute and last f o r e v e r… many I suspect are hundreeds of years old.

One key and serious difference in driving laws is that in France drivers have different rights of way. In America, drivers driving through on a road (going straight) have the right of way. Another driver coming from a driveway or side street must yield to through traffic and may only proceed after, when it it is safe.
But nooooooooooo, not in ‘La Belle France’. Here, the driver entering on the right, has right of way. No matter if from a driveway or side street, if he is not at a stop sign he is free to jump right in and God help you if you hit him.

It took me a full three months to stop slamming on the brakes everytime I approached a driveway or side street where I could not see if there was a vehicle coming. One more thing for which I will have to check myself into the DMV’s detox program or re education camp when I get back.

We had planned to insure our car only for the 6 months that we are here. Kind of like we do with our car in the States. Recently though, we found out that the law in France requires that if you own a vehicle here you must have liability insurance on it, period. If you lock your car in your garage and someone breaks in, steals it and damages something or hurts someone, YOU are compleately liable.

Finally on the driving subject, they have a really great system here that when you are listening to CD’s or the radio in the car, your radio is automaticaly redirected to the emergency chanel (without you doing a thing) to broadcast weather, accident or other emergency driving messages. When the announcement is over, your CD or radio station goes back on by itself. Neat, huh?

And another thing…

I am simply blown away by the front entrance and garage doors to many homes and businesses throughout a lot of Europe. I am astounded by the sheer number that have high-end hardwood, ellegant as all get out, natural finish (varnished or stained but not
painted) wood doors. They are the type one would expect to see on very expensive homes or corporate headquarters offices.

No, not everyone has them and there is plenty of ratty junk to be seen also but there is a disproportionate number of homes and businesses that do have them, including a number that I question if the appearance of the home itself justify’s them. Bear in mind that many businesses have double doors that lead into these old stone buildings and the doors can be 8-10 feet wide and 12-14 feet tall and some are 3-4 inches thick! $hopped for a set of those, lately?

The more we have traveled throughout Europe, the more I realise how many medieval towns there are still in existance. I remember the first one we found (Provins) on a previous trip. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. A no fooling around, moat surrounded, William Tell looking, 1000 year old, still lived in to this day, town.

Wow.

Now, dozens of medieval towns later, I know that there are hundreeds more. Oh, some are older than others and some are bigger. Some are better preserved. Some are more what (in my minds eye) they should look like
http://www.prolocosoriano.it/En/galleria_foto_eng.htm But they all have history dripping all over them and I have come to realise that there is not enough money on the planet to save and preserve them all. It seems ironic to me that what many generations built and re-built after wars and fires, todays generation is unable to even maintain.

I promise not to be a potty mouth, but I do have something to say about them. (Potty’s, that is) They are different. No, I am not going to bore you with banalities that are similar as to what we find at home (some are clean, some aren’t) or that some cost up to a $1.50 to use.
What does make them really different is that in some places like department stores, they are located in an ‘open to the world’ recessed space facing the row of cash registers and everyone in line. There are knee to shoulder privacy partitions allowing men to use the urinals while otherwise being in full view of of God and everybody.
Other bathrooms are co-ed. Everyone walks in togeather to an area that has the sinks and towels. Then, within this room are separate cubicles that have toilets in them. In this configuration there are usually no urinals.
Our favorite are what we have heard refered to as Greek bathrooms. (No slur intended) The, eh….’toilet’ area looks like the ceramic base of a shower stall with a 3 inch hole in it, like a shower drain.

Don’t ask.

I have elected not to participate, so I don’t know.

A final general observation is that I have noticed that almost everywhere where ‘mood’ music is played (department stores, gas stations, elevators, hardware and grocery stores) it is almost invariably soft American rock music. English singing (obviously) artists. Oh, it may have interspersed French, German or Italian artists depending on the country you are in, but by far most of the music is American. Hmmm…

We have recently returned from a trip to Italy and the south of France. I was pretty miffed at the number of toll roads and have precviously written about our unsuccessfull attempt at avoiding them. Well, as is often the case, things are not always what they appear to be.

Don’t get me wrong. The toll roads that criss cross the continent are in super condition. Call me naïve, but I think that with the fuel taxes we all pay (on both continents) we should have the right to expect great roads without the need for additional tolls.

With perhaps one exception.

The roads we drove from ‘Cannes’ to ‘Pisa’, a 6 hour drive, is spent almost in it’s entirety either on bridges or in tunnels. Big deal, you’re thinking. There are bridges and tunnels everywhere. Yes, but the topography in this area is such that you are driving across craggy cliffs, like fingers pointed to the sea. You are either in tunnels (some many kilometers long through rock) or you are on bridges spanning the ravines between.

For 6 hours.

At first, it’s kinda cool. But after several hours it occurred to me that “ hey, this must have been verrrrrrrrrrrrry expensive to build and maintain”. OK, I’ll pay the toll.

We are thrilled that we have put enough time be-bopping about that we are wearing out our first set of maps of some areas. How fun is that?.

Is today Monday?

People often assume that retired people don’t care what day it is. Well, by and large, it’s true. The only reason we give a hoot is to make sure we don’t miss church on Sunday, we don’t show up at stores when they are closed or worse, have friends show up on our doorstep to visit and have lost track of their arrival date.

One thing we do keep close track of is our current project. While we were quick to tell everyone that our house here was ‘turnkey’ finished, I have come to realise that our little projects will add about 35% more living space to the house bringing it up to 2500 sq ft. The good news is that we will then have 3 bathrooms. The bad news is that we currently only have one.

And, we have lots of company coming…….

I am always amused at people asking “is everything finished yet” ? I can remember for years my mother asking if our first house was ‘finished’. This, while Janice and I were working full time and with 5 kids at home. I guess building homes are often equated to hanging curtains or putting up wallpaper in the back room.

Don’t get me wrong, we are moving forward. I have finished insullating our master bath and bedroom. I have made a passthrough from a hall closet into an unfinished, uninsulated laundry room. (Yes mom, I have finished insulating it also)

A Passthrough? “You mean all you did is cut a doorway in a wall” ?

Well,…….. yea.

This wall though, was 24” thick stone. Nothing that a jackhammer, 5 days and 130 bucket fulls of debris carried down a flight of stairs to the car in the garage and driven to the dump couldn’t take care of. But now the fun part; converting it into a full second bathroom with laundry facilities –with separate entrance. The current configuration allows entry into the laundry room -from our existing bathroom. Not cool.

Lets get together in April and do this again.

Michael

PS: If you are going to drive here, bring all the gold bars you have because when you get to the gas stations, your going to need them.......