on the way to the post office
They say that I
turned 57 this month.
No, I don’t think so.... HELL no!
People say a lot of things they can’t prove.
Some people age gracefully. Some have a hard time with it. Me? I resist it with every strand of my DNA. I am not in denial because it didn’t happen, so there. I am sure that the aches and pains are all temporary. I just have to shake off the kinks.
57? HA! Next you’ll be telling me I am well on my way to 60. Trust me, that isn’t EVER going to happen. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against 60. Sixty is perfectly OK. 60 is perfectly OK that is ---for you and other people, but not me. No sir, count me out because I choose not to participate. The thought alone makes me want to gag and reach for my depression medication. 57 is like saying “mobile but not senile”. I hear “Grandpa!” and I want to turn to kick someone’s butt, but I see the beautiful 2 year old that I love dearly who happens to be my grand….eh…. I mean my daughter’s daughter.
The kids called to wish me a happy birthday. How rude! It feels like they are calling to say, “So, I hear that your hemorrhoids are getting bigger…” Why is it that everyone remembers your weaknesses? I don’t call them to celebrate their bad news! They must just want to rub in the fact that they are a little bit younger. I remember 20 years ago when I was 25 I used to do that too.
This reality is getting harder to maintain. For some time now I have suffered from FDS. You know, Follicle Discoloration Syndrome. I have treated it aggressively with harsh chemical ehh… ‘vitamins’, but I fear that the condition is irreversible and progressive. Soon, I will have to explain how my mother had me at 68 and that I had all of my own children before I was 14. Unusual maybe, but not impossible, right? Anyways, it’s my story and I am sticking to it.
Even the mirror tries to deceive me. It is showing lines on my face that can’t possibly be there so the old mirror is clearly (no pun intended) in need of replacing. It’s like actors looking heavier on film than they really are. I know this is true because the same phenomenon happens to me.
I remember a couple of years ago when entering a movie theatre. I noticed they offered ‘senior discounts’ for people over 55 so I thought I would give it a go. I got my driver’s license and two other forms of ID out to prove I was eligible for the discount but the little air headed ‘chickarita’ at the window did not even flinch and gave me the tickets. “Hey”, I thought. Does that mean she thinks that I look 55? Of all the insensitive, wet behind the ears, insulting, crass, presumptive judgments!
The next big discount I will be eligible for are airline tickets at age 65. Sure, they make you wait till you are almost dead when the only thing you can use them for is flying to everyone’s funeral!
57??? Gimme a break!
Located in upper New York State, the Finger Lakes consist of 11 ice sheet scoured lakes, some as much as two miles deep that gave the area its name. Anchored on the north by Syracuse, Rochester and Buffalo, they are a wonderful outing for us from the Bee when we choose to go to the US mainland.
Historically, the Iroquois Indians believed that the Finger Lakes were created by the Great Spirit’s hands as he spread them upon the land to bless it. It has been home to abolitionist Harriet Tubman’s great crusade to end slavery and Elizabeth Stranton, woman suffragist extraordinaire. It was also the site where Mark Twain chose to spend 20 summers where he wrote Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. Few Americans (and not a single European!) realize that in the United States, only California’s Napa and Sonoma Valleys produce more wine than the Finger Lakes region.
Among the highlights is Letchworth State Park, renowned as the "Grand Canyon of the East," is one of the most scenically magnificent areas in the eastern U.S. The Genesee River roars through the gorge over three major waterfalls between cliffs--as high as 600 feet in some places--surrounded by lush forests.
Very funny
A number of you wrote me about some of the perverse pleasure you got from the "Canadian humor" section in last months Epistle. So, in the spirit of closure, I have include a few more. Enjoy!
The farmlands of the Pennsylvania Dutch Country are among the most productive in the nation. But many of the farmers here are different from most Americans, different by choice. For these are the Old Order Amish and Mennonites, also known as the "Plain People". 
The Amish have been employing horse-drawn power since the days when horsepower had a whole different meaning. These people trace their heritage back hundreds of years, and yet, despite all the time that has passed and the many changes that have taken place in society, they still live and work much as their forefathers did. 
They do not permit electricity or telephones in their homes. By restricting access to television, radio, and telephones, the Amish are better able to keep the modern world from intruding into their home life. The Amish have long preferred farming as a way of life. While they do not permit the use of tractors in their fields, these old order Amish groups do use modern farm equipment pulled by teams of horses or mules. They do not own or operate automobiles, believing that cars would provide easier access to the ways of the world. You will often see their horses and buggies on the local roads.
They are not "Gypsies". They wear plain clothing styles, which have earned them the name "Plain People". It is the simple, peaceful lifestyle of these plain people that attracts such a curiosity today. Many wonder how these people can survive in their supposedly backward ways. Truth is, they're not only surviving - they're thriving. Since 1960, the Amish population has almost tripled.
The Amish have a strong sense of community spirit, and often come to the aid of those in need. Their barn risings are a good example. Neighbors freely give of their time and their skills to help one another. The Amish are generally private people and often find all the attention and curiosity about their lifestyle disturbing. They believe that the taking of photographs where someone is recognizable is forbidden by the Biblical prohibition against making any 'graven image'.
Meanwhile, returning for a repeat engagement, was my sister Lorraine, with daughters Emily and Jessica. Both girls brought a friend to be beat about by the waves, at high speeds in the boat as we boated around among the isles. Jessica spent the week with us before we drove her back home to Toronto to spend the week end with Lorraine and her family.Last month I wrote about the new ‘view’ window and door I got several buddies help me install. This required some scaffolding and several hands, as they were large, heavy and in an awkward place. This month I have a few before and after pics for you, now that the trim is in place and the chinking is complete.
We got back yesterday, from a 1200-mile (1900 kilometers) trip to pick up our circular staircase. This is the one we commissioned a year ago from an artist who creates these large custom pieces of utilitarian art and ships them all over the world. (We brought ours back on our boat trailer) We could have had it shipped but decided that we would enjoy the road trip to the outback Canadian wilderness. Besides, at the price we were paying for this piece of utilitarian art, we wanted to make sure it was all we were expecting which was a heck of a lot.
For now, suffice it to say it more than meet our expectations and we look forward to installing it this month as we complete our bedrooms. Pictures, of course, to follow.
