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The Epistle December 2007

Chateau Bienassis

Built in the late 1400’s, this little gem is about an hour from our house. It remained within the family of the original owners until 2005 where the last descendants voluntarily deeded it to the state. With period furnishings and loads of interesting history, it was a great place to visit.

So, what’s new in France?

It is always a bit of a shock to arrive after being up for 36 hours on the clock from the time we got up in Seattle to the time we open our front door here. This includes flight time, delays, shuttles to and from airports, layovers between flights, the drive from Paris to home and the 9 hour time change. It was very heartwarming to arrive at our front door only to see the lights on, the hot water tank warm, the fridge turned on and a few necessities in it and----get this---- a roaring fire in the fireplace! WOW, what a welcome from our friends and neighbors Malcolm and Rebecca. We are sure treated better than we deserve.

With the US dollar now in free fall on the world market the cost of living here has got our undivided attention. We have seen these fluctuations before but over the last 5 years it has gone from bad to much, much worse. While the majority of the big-ticket items we have are bought and paid for (Homes, cars, boat) it is inescapable that everyday items (not to mention a daughter in law school in Europe) consume a much larger share of our pitiful resources. Our purchasing power has dropped 35% in both Canada and Europe in the past 5 years due to the declining exchange rates.

I imagine that you are on the verge of tears over our predicament so I want to reassure you that we have not sought the location of the local soup kitchens….yet.

All kidding aside, gas is now $2.10 a liter ($8.40 a gallon) and everything else is 1/3 more expensive than when we started coming to Europe ….and Canada. It can’t help but make a difference. I know that this financial pendulum swings back and forth and all of our European and Canadian friends are all thinking “It’s about time you get a taste of what we have suffered, you George Bush loving Republican!” Go on, gloat if you must.

One of the things I love about being in Europe is that while we have lived here half the year for the past 3 years we are forever finding little nuggets of interesting local history. For instance, I was walking though Treguier, a little town just 4 miles (6 kilometers) up the road from our house when I stumbled upon a dedication plaque on the wall in front of city hall. It indicated that it was where the first French/ Latin /Breton dictionary was ever printed in 1482, some 525 years ago or 10 years before Christopher Columbus sailed to America. (Breton is the second official language of Brittany) This was only 30 years after Johannes Gutenberg printed the world's first book (The Gutenberg bible which we saw in Mainz, Germany) using movable type in 1450. No town in America could lay anywhere near such a claim.

Treguier Cathedral


A big change recently in French Law has some Brits we know in a real tizzy. The French government has decided that anyone who is under 65 years old and is not employed in France must buy private health insurance. Previously, anyone who was a resident here and paid a minimal public health premium was eligible for French health services. Curiously the law is being applied retroactively to anyone who has been here less than 5 years and had not applied for citizenship. It does not matter if they are retired and receive income from abroad; the French classify them as ‘inactive’. The premiums are substantial enough that our dear friends and neighbors plan to return to the UK and maybe forced to sell their home. It’s a real bummer. This new law has no effect on us of course as we are not residents and are covered by our own private health insurance from the US. (This just in: the law may be repealed)

On a lighter side, I recently found myself needing to use a public bathroom and when I entered the men’s room I immediately came upon 4 women. One was entering a stall; the other was coming out of another. A third woman was washing her hands while the last one was brushing her hair. Quickly realizing I had mistakenly entered the ladies room I turned around and left. As I opened the door I glanced up to see that the sign on the door clearly said “Men”. (OK, it said men in French). I stopped to see that these women we glaring at me as if I had done something wrong. For a moment I flashed at our experience last month in Cape Cod when we walked into a transsexual convention but I could see that these were real women, with urinals behind them on the back wall.

There were among a growing number of women here who are sick and tired of waiting in long lines to use ladies rooms while many stalls in the men’s rooms are empty. The have cast aside any inhibitions or shame and are simply turning men’s rooms into unisex facilities. Any man who so much looks at them askance faces the scowl I got: “Wanna make something of it, mister?”


Who are you?

One of the fun little features of writing this blog is that it keeps detailed records of all those who read it. No, I can’t tell if you were in your pajamas when you read this but I can tell almost everything else. I can tell obvious things like how many people read it, for how long and if they came back to it later. Less obvious are things like what cities and countries they were in and what their IP address is. (It is like your street address but specifically for your computer) Who should be receiving this blog is obvious to me as I know whom I send this out to but last month I was stumped.

I noticed that someone in Renne Brittany had read it but I don’t know anyone there…that I can recall. Also in Atlanta Georgia, I don’t know anyone there either, do I? Someone in the city of Mission, in the province of British Columbia, Canada read the blog. Huh? I even had two readers from blocked web sites. Langley Virginia? Could it be the NSA? No, because there is No Such Agency…Finally, Pays de Loire, France.

Who are you people? As long as it is not the IRS…..


Artsy Fartsy

Last spring, days before we left for the Island we finalized an agreement with a young local “Ferronier d’art” (an artistic blacksmith) to accept a commission for an exterior art piece for the entry to our home here. This is not the old village blacksmith I ‘studied’ under last winter but a recent graduate of the formal state school for the art of creating forged art. He has made many objects that have sold but this was his first substantial commissioned piece and it was a doosy.

Our village goes dark at 11 PM when all the streetlights are turned off. (Don’t ask!) When I say dark, I mean go in your bedroom closet, close the door and shut your eyes tight ….kind of dark. So, we asked him to forge us an entry light and found a design that we felt would be in character with our village and the fact that our home is within the town square. This would look ridiculous anywhere else but here, but here is where it has to work. The design so impressed a friend in the village that he gave us the antique hand blown magnum that had been in his family for 50 years. It serves as the shield for the bulb contained within. It turned out much nicer than we had ever hoped for. Now when friends come over for the evening they are safe for the last 50 feet (15 meters) up to our door or the first 50 feet when they leave. After that, they are on their own.


Tip: If you are new to the blog, you can super size any picture by double clicking on it


You packed WHAT?

We have all heard the expression “They took everything but the kitchen sink”. Well, as I wrote last fall, upon our return to France this time we not only brought a kitchen sink but our Master bathroom one as well…and a faucet for good measure. This is for a little renovation we will work on this winter. Yes there are plenty of sinks available here but frankly we didn’t like the styles.

European styles are usually the rage in many things and are sometimes more sophisticated than what we have available at home. Oddly, many of the sinks here look like they are out of a tract home in the 50’s. The really nice American styled sinks are available at specialty shops but at prices that are prohibitive to us poor Americans. This not only because of the dollar exchange, but simply because so many things are breathtakingly expensive here to start with. I know it sounds like an inordinate amount of trouble to go to but we have come to see just how easy it really is. It is no more trouble than taking a suitcase to the airport and handing it in then having it handed back to you in Paris and putting it in the rental car to drive home. Bingo!

Savings? About the cost of the flight here for one of us. The food disposer and Reverse Osmosis water treatment system will follow next year.

This is not to say that getting something here is always trouble free. To explain, I must digress for a moment. In America you are permitted to deduct the ‘cost’ of your home on your taxes when you sell it. While we have no such plans to sell, at some point all homes are sold, so we (or our beneficiaries) will want to be ready to take full advantage of this tax break. Normally this is simple as people can prove how much they paid for their home. As we physically built our own, it is a little trickier. The cost of the property itself (the land) is documented with the county but we also have to provide receipts for everything we claim as a deduction towards the cost of building or renovating the house itself. Everything.

So, over the years we have accumulated enough receipts to fill a suitcase. After the recent fires in California, we thought it prudent to digitize this information by taking the time to scan them and have an off site copy available. A good project for Janice this winter, we thought. To that end, I packed them all in my roll-on to take with us. Because of their ultimate value, I was going to take them on board the aircraft as ‘carry on’, never leaving them out of my physical presence. We all know that checked suitcases have been known to get lost.

As we boarded the aircraft we were seated near the front so we were among the last to get on. The problem was that the overhead bins were now full so the crew wanted to take our roll-ons from us to put them in the cargo hold as checked luggage. This was not optional and these are testy days to get ‘in-your-face’ with an aircrew. Against my better judgment, I relented. With all of the straight-faced assurances they could muster they promised us that the bag would follow us to Paris. You guessed it: it didn’t.

It was the only bag that did not arrive and panic set in. There were well over $150,000 (100,000 Euros) worth of receipts in there and would cause untold havoc in providing acceptable replacement documentation, if available. Early on we were told that the bag had been located and would arrive within a few days. Since my shaving kit was the only other item in the bag, I decided to take on the ‘Mr. Hollywood’ look for a few days but then I quickly started to look like ‘Mr. Dumpster Diver’. Thankfully a knock on the door announced the arrival of my shaving kit…..and our receipts.



The ‘Le Guindy’ Aqueduct

Four miles (6 kilometers) from the house is the ’Le Guindy’ aqueduct, named after the river that flows under it. Built in 1610 it provided drinking water to Treguier where our local Cathedral is located.


Enough! We are off to explore
so we will see you next month.






The Epistle November 2007



Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO!!!

It's SUPER Grandpa!!!!


Impressing one’s grandchildren isn’t like it used to be. Time was when reading a bedtime story or taking them to the park would suffice but today’s grandchildren have expectations that are hard to keep up with. While recently spending time with our favorite little ones, the family came up with the bright idea to string 1700 mini lights on their 40-foot (13 meter) Pine tree at the entrance to their property for Christmas. After all, they figured, their dad owned a crane with a sixty-foot boom (20 meters) and an industrial safety harness so all they needed was to hang ‘someone’ from the end and have him string the lights.


The qualifications were pretty straightforward. What was needed was someone big, dumb, heavily insured, with a short life expectancy and completely expendable. Not finding a volunteer it was decided to put the

 matter to a secret vote and I was unanimously elected.

Risking life and limb for my grandchildren’s entertainment,

I was hoisted up, up and away!!! As an added measure of security I was given my 3 year old granddaughters fairy wings to wear.


After hanging for almost two hours at the whim and mercy of my favorite son in law, the job was done.

TA-DA!!!

The kids are excited about the fact that the tree will have grown taller next year…..

More on our visit later.



Letter from the editor

For some time now the Epistle has gone from a folksy, back of the envelope family and friends newsletter to an intercontinental full featured publication. Complete with color photos, insightful witty reportage and sharp intellectual editorial, we are proud of the fact that we have not accepted one cent from advertisers. (Mind you that would change in a New York minute with the first offer!) We are much like the pre-approved credit card offers you get in the mail, once you are on our list, we maintain a strict no cancellation policy.

Always on the hunt for new ways to better serve our readers, I hired a European software programmer (Ok, so it was my buddy Malcolm next door in France who volunteered) to help me set up a translation feature for The Epistle. Now by simply clicking on the appropriate flag in the upper right hand corner of this page you can read The Epistle in any one of 8 languages as translated by ‘Babel fish’.

Yes, the translation is pathetic and seems like it was done by a 3-legged midget from Bangladesh. It is a work in progress and as the saying goes “it’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick”. A mere novelty if you are an English reader, it gives our French, German and Italian friends a chance to get a glimmer of what we are writing about as they look at the pretty pictures.


Cape Cod

As I mentioned last month, our first week away from the Island was spent on the seaside in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. A mere 90 minutes from Boston, we picked up our baby girl Cassie and made our way to a stunning home that we had arranged as home exchange on the cape. The owners will be in Brittany in May after we leave so it worked out rather well.


Unbeknown to us at the time, the home has been featured in “Cape Cod Homes and Gardens” magazine and the owner, an award winning interior designer, was fully deserving of the honor. Cassie was awestruck when she saw the house and her room and we all felt that we had really scored. Much of the week consisted of laying about, taking naps and long walks on the beach, generally being useless lazy slugs.


A little American humor.....


We did make our way over to “P” town as the locals refer to it (AKA as Provincetown). Long known as a Mecca for its largely artsy fartsy and substantially homosexual community, our timing seemed perfect. We arrived in the middle of a transsexual convention of some kind with dozens of six foot, 200-pound beefy guys in pretty strapless dresses, high heels, coiffed long hair and jewelry strolling (or should I say “trolling”) the streets. Travel ensures that there is never a dull moment.

'Fairy' nice men

It was wonderful spending time with our youngest, prior to flying home to California.



Daughter number three

Second youngest in the rat pack of five is daughter number three, our 22-year-old Mandy. Currently studying European Law at Maastricht University in the Netherlands, Mandy is having the time of her life. She first went to Germany as an exchange student for a year after being awarded the ‘Congress Bundestag’ scholarship as one of only two students from each state per year. As required by the program, she returned home for a year to graduate from high school before following her dream of returning to Deutschland (Germany).

After completing the academic requirements to continue her studies there, she was accepted to the University of Bonn. Despite her linguistic skill level she still found the study in German to be daunting and chose to transfer to the English Law program at Maastricht. In spite of the fact that she has been living away from mom and dad for some time, thanks to the Skype computer telephone program, we speak almost daily.

It has been fun lately with her e-mailing me some of the legal briefs she has been working on. Clearly out of my element, I have been of little use beyond pointing out a few spelling mistakes. Don’t you just hate it when you reach the point when your kids are smarter than you?

Naturally, our being in Europe part of the year allows us to connect and has even allowed her to tag along on some of our travels on the continent. A resourceful puss, she has finagled ways to sneak in a trip or two back to California, a visit to Honey Bee Island and Washington DC. This as well as take advantage of opportunities to take short trips with friends around Europe.

Never far behind is her ‘beau’, Markus. This man in her life, is studying aeronautics nearby in Aachen. Clearly more than a boyfriend but careful not to be fiancee, he and Mandy have been an item for 3 years. I say ‘careful’ because together, they have been meticulously calculating in staying within the boundaries that permit Mandy to continue to receive parental financial support for her education (being single). They have done the math and determined that the R.O.I. (return on investment) is higher for them if daddy writes the checks while she is in school instead of ‘Mr. Wonderful’. All attempted bribes and other inducements to elope have failed to budge my wanna-be son in law.

I have a lot of respect for these two who are clearly going to go far.



SLO goes upscale

It is always interesting coming home every six months and seeing the gradual changes that have occurred in our hometown. Something that was under construction six months ago is now open, some shops have relocated and some have gone by the way of the buggy whip.

This time was different. We have never seen so many new seriously upscale businesses spring up in such a short while. SLO (San Luis Obispo) now has a plethora of classy high-end clothing shops, outrageous lingerie stores, home accessory shops, specialty restaurants, wine bars, cigar aficionado bars and even shops that specialize in a single item like olive oil with dozens upon dozens of varieties from the world over.

We now have a shop that sells what are locally know as ‘Freedom fries’ but some still remember as ‘French fries’ with Belgian beer. It is hard to think that this is a big deal except that they offer a large selection of exotic spices and sauces to go with the fries, making it quite a unique treat. This being a college town, it is wildly popular.

Once a week there is an evening farmers market. The name is misleading because besides limiting the main streets to pedestrian’s only traffic, it is more like a Mardi Gras street fair. It is a virtual party where it seems that the whole city attends. There are bands and musicians galore, various street performers like magicians or fire-eaters and even the religious lunatic fringe ‘whack jobs’ carrying signs proclaiming that ‘The end is near!!’ For those familiar with the area, it is fast becoming another beautiful Santa Barbara.

Seattle

The last half of this past month was spent with our daughter Amy’s family in Seattle. The grandkids are all growing like weeds of course and are doing very well. Amy is 6 months pregnant with rascal # 5 so there is never a dull moment at the Lindor’s.

It was great to see our #1 son Wesley there also before his planned move back to Sandpoint Idaho. A free spirit, he has not decided exactly what will await him there.

The original plan was for our visit to provide an opportunity to help my favorite son in law insulate his 5000 sq ft business warehouse (460 sq meters) but he pre empted the plan to insulate and finish a tool storage room from where he can work on his large machinery in an adjacent garage. Vance’s business is buying large used machinery from commercial auctions like Boeing aircraft and reselling them on the open market. Having a shop to make minor repairs and adjustments to the equipment is critical.

Meanwhile Janice made herself indispensable by relieving Amy of many household tasks and by sewing 3-year-old Mary Ann Elisabeth and 6-year-old Maddie’s Christmas church play dresses from scratch.


This month in review

Earlier this month the big news was all about the fires in California. We got an up close and personal look because we actually flew over them coming in to Los Angeles from the East Coast. At the peek there were 900,000 people evacuated from their homes as 15 separate fires raged over a 750 square mile area (1942 square kilometers) and destroyed over 2000 homes. That is like 900 times the population of our village in France. Many kindly wrote, concerned that we were in harms way. Fortunately we were not as the fires were several hours away further south.

Southern California endures fires every year due to the desert climate that ensures plenty of dry grasses and brush to act as fuel. This year’s was particularly bad and was not helped by the fact that two of the larger fires were arson.

Another milestone in our world is that a few days ago we celebrated my 3rd anniversary of my managing to stay out of prison. In other words, I have been out 1/10 th of the time I was in. By my reckoning, that is 2 years and eleven months longer than most of the other ‘guests’ of the system as the recidivism rate is horrendous. The secret to my success? Clean living and pure thoughts…….. This retirement gig is all that it is cracked up to be!


We also spent a week doing our by-yearly maintenance on our home. Clearly not trying to make any improvements per se, we are nevertheless trying to keep it up both for our renters as well for ourselves when we finally decide to return. Too poor (read that as “cheap”) to hire it out, it allows us a hand’s on approach to keeping tabs on our renters and the condition of our home. We have been fortunate in having our neighbor and friend Holly as our property manager during our absence. She is a dear with us but all business with our renters.

This was our last shot at predictable decent warm sunny weather until we return to the Bee in June.


Welcome “home”

Three times a year we get warm welcomes from friends and family for finally coming back “home”. It’s all relative of course, as in each case friends feel that wherever we just came from was just being away on a long trip but now we are ‘back’. Meanwhile, we just left friends who feel that where we are going is just being away on a big long trip but that we will be back home when we are done. We are flattered that each would think of us being home when we are with them but we feel very much at home wherever we are, for the time we are there.

California

What's not to love?


That maybe one of the most fascinating parts of this big adventure but there are some noticeable differences. In California, people are more open to a transient lifestyle and are easier going regarding our coming and going. In The Thousand Islands, there is much more of a temporary mindset in the ongoing friendships as everyone there ‘lives’ somewhere else and either owns a cottage or a yacht and spends the summers there but then moves on when the fall comes. In our village in France there is a much greater expectation in people staying put permanently. Our leaving seems more disruptive to the ebb and flow of relationships but we do our best to transition as smoothly as we can and make a real effort to keep in touch on a frequent basis during our lengthy absences.

We have been asked if we find it hard to ‘spilt ourselves up’ 3 ways like this. Actually we don’t see it as a 3 way split but as an extraordinarily enriching experience that we would not want to miss for the world. It’s either that or a case of schizophrenia of the worse kind. We enjoy 3 times as many friends and varied experiences than we would otherwise and we are very grateful for the opportunity. Meanwhile we await the day when daughter #3 finishes law school so that we can finally return “home”…… for at least a few months of the year.

Enough! We have a plane to catch in a few hours. Next stop: Paris









The Epistle October 2007

©Ian Coristine/1000IslandsPhotoArt.com

Boldt Castle on Heart Island
(10 minutes from home)

Project update

As I write this we have pulled the plug and are transitioning from the Bee to France. We have just arrived in Cape Cod on the Massachusetts coast outside of Boston to do a one-week house exchange for a little R&R before heading west (California) to go east (France). Our daughter Cassie will join us in the morning, flying in from California for a little one on one dad and mom face time.

Cape Cod is a wonderful place to visit and holds many great memories of my youth when we would come tent camp a mile (1 ½ kilometers) from here with my family and spend weeks at the beach. The accommodations we have now are a bit of an upgrade as we are staying in a 3200 square foot home near the beach built by an interior designer. See it at

http://www.homeforexchange.com/property_detailed_view.php?propId=18520


By and large, we managed to complete what we set out to do this summer, pretty much finishing our bedrooms as planned this past month. There are always finishing touches to do, like a little trim here and there but when we think of where we started from, ha!…piece of cake.





Before








After







Before
















After (before carpet, paint, trim..)


Gone are the days when we arrived and dreaded opening the front door to face a staggering mess, hideous living conditions and a mountain of work ahead of us. There are projects left that we want to do but it is by choice and at a pace that we set.

This past month Janice and I took a little time off to travel to Glenns Falls near Lake George (upstate N.Y) to attend a hot air festival. [Now, now, lets rise above partisanship and petty politics… there is no calling for thinking that this had to do with Democrat’s! This was a hot air balloon festival!!] We got to see over 90 hot air balloons rise at dawn and watch balloons at sunset with fireworks going off as a backdrop. Very cool.

Again this year we were invited to my aunt and uncle’s cabin North of Ottawa to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving. We unemployed never pass up a free meal so we were glad to oblige.

As the month progressed, we said our goodbyes to the river and to our friends here. In the final weeks before leaving we began our ritual of firming up our plans for next years projects. It is one thing to show up and resume building but it is another to decide to do something that someone else has to be ready to go when we are. For instance, when we show up next June we want to immediately have carpeting installed in our bedrooms. But we know there is lead-time involved and if we don’t get the rooms measured and have the carpet ordered before we leave, there would be a six-week delay when we would arrive. Ditto for some custom furniture we commissioned and some special order over sized windows and screens for the porch.


The Secret Pilot


One of the few ways that Janice and I differ is that she is so enthused about future projects that she likes to tell everyone in sight about them in their earliest stages of development. I generally like to talk about them when they are a done deal, a 'fait acompli'. People tend to not tell you it was a 'dumb' idea after the fact, especially if things turned out well. I had a neighbor stop by while I was getting ready to install my staircase and he looked downright worried when I explained how I intended to proceed. He had that "the whole damn place will collapse!" look. Now that it is done and the upstairs floor is more solid than it has ever been, I expect he will say " I told him it was going to work all along".

©Ian Coristine/1000IslandsPhotoArt.com

Recently we had friends over who noticed an area in the river adjacent to the island that was staked out and completely “de-weeded”. Mildly curious, they asked what we were planning to do. I was about to give them some blather about 'going green' and 'cleaning out the river' when Janice blurted out “Oh, that’s where Michael wants to dock his airplane”. So much for pillow talk and little marital confidences. The cat was out of the bag.

©Ian Coristine/1000IslandsPhotoArt.com

For those who have wondered what I will do with my time when we finish our construction projects, what follows could give you a hint. Flying is an unfulfilled passion of mine that has been brewing for decades. I could have started much sooner of course but other choices and priorities took precedence. While not imminent, the time is coming quickly. I never really talked about it but when we bought the property in 2000 it was one of the immediate draws for me when I could see that I could easily dock an amphibious airplane at the island. This is different from a floatplane in that it can land either on a conventional runway or on water with the floats on in both cases.

©Ian Coristine/1000IslandsPhotoArt.com

The kids all remember how for years I kept pictures of a helicopter I wanted in my workshop and at work. I finally came to grips with the prohibitive costs and found a compromise I could live with. It would be unfair to say that Janice shares my enthusiasm to the same extent as I do but she is willing to give it a go and I believe she will warm to the whole experience because this is a perfect area for low level slow flying with endless eye candy in all directions. This became all the more evident when we got our hands on a locally published book of photographs taken by Ian Coristine from his amphibious. They are without a doubt the most stunning photos of the area we have ever seen. Take a peek at:

http://www.1000islandsphotoart.com/Albums/tabid/55/Default.aspx Go to any link but be sure to see the one for ‘neighborhoods’. When you do, you will see the indescribable beauty that we experience here for half the year.

We first met Ian at a book signing he was doing. More recently I called to bend his ear on the subject of my plans and to begin the steep learning curve on the do’s and don’ts of having an amphibious at an island. Being a fellow islander himself, he is well versed on the subject and began to set me straight on a number of hair-brained schemes I had.

On another occasion, we had an amusing experience when we had invited other friends over with Ian for a BBQ. They had not met previously so as they talked they quickly realized that they had a common interest in photography. Initially, they figured he was just a nice guy, who like them, took pictures. As the conversation progressed, they started to connect the dots and realized just who Ian was. (He is a well know figure in the Thousand Islands or what you would call a ‘big dog’ in the area). Finally it clicked and they stuttered and stammered “You’re HIM?” with all the excitement of 14-year-old girls taken backstage to meet Mick Jagger at a Rolling Stones concert.

©Ian Coristine/1000IslandsPhotoArt.com

As I mentioned, this is not something I am going to be doing right away. Per prior agreement with “she who must be obeyed” as Wayne would say, next summer will see the completion of our household projects and the construction of the dock for the airplane as well as a deck that will become the assembly area for the aircraft. Oh, did I forget to mention that I would assemble it myself?

I know this is not everyone’s cup of tea but the fact is that I have never been able to get into typical traditional male hobbies. I would rather go to the dentist than fish, be bedridden than golf or watch paint dry than to watch any sports game on TV. My suggestion that the sport franchises buy all the players their own balls so they don’t have to fight over just one has never gone over real big with any of the guys I know.

Listen! …….do you hear that? ......No?

That’s the problem. I hear a drummer few others do.

I was destined to fly.




Fat boy.

Recently I was reading an article on diets. Like many people my age it is a subject that has commanded more of my attention as of late. I am told that people over 25 typically gain about a pound a year and at 57 I can testify that I have followed that schedule to a “T”.

I know myself well enough to know that I am never going to go on some crash diet. I know that they don’t work long term and I am not interested in a yo-yo weight gain / loss /gain type diet. What caught my attention was the fact that at a pound a year it meant that my weight gain was as little as 11 calories a day ----the equivalent of a potato chip! So, I figured that theoretically at least, cutting back on two potato chips a day would allow me to reverse the process at the same rate and loose about a pound a year.

Ok, I know that’s silly. Not the least because it would be impossible to know when that last chip was the “extra” one. Besides, this is not just about chips ----although it is a basic food group--- it’s about making small choices I can live with, like reducing the frequency of calorie intensive food choices and substituting bulky foods that make you feel full but have zero calories. For me, it’s not about cutting back on portions or to ‘eat less’.

The bottom line is that at the rate I was going I figured that by the year 4978, I would weigh over six thousand pounds. Fortunately, I have followed in my daughter Mandy’s footsteps and gone the slow but sure route. I started this on the day I left Europe and in 16 weeks I have lost 3 pounds, determined to return to being the mean lean loving machine my bride married 23 years ago.


What’s an E-pistol?

I have heard it all. "E-pistol", "E-piss-el", "Epastile" and "Apostle" among others. Unless you are a heathen or were raised by Hari Krishna you must know that an Epistle is a letter or a formal communication.

How my little monthly newsletter to family and friends took on the name “The Epistle” was as a result of my long-winded, passionately forceful, error free proclamations [especially regarding all things political, economic or cultural J]. I figured that if I was as infallible in these matters as the Pope is in his, I might as well write with the same divine authority.





The Epistle, September 2007



Life on an Island

I don’t know why, but people are often surprised when they ask about the size of our little island and we tell them. For some inexplicable reason, they think an island suitable to live on should be the size of a small town. I think they watch too much TV and have us confused with Richard Branson.

The fact is Honey Bee is larger than the vast majority of city lots that they live on. Next, they worry about it ‘sinking’ or if a big wave will wash over us. They forget that for one we are in fresh water so there are no tides and for another it doesn’t float, as it is largely a granite outcrop with a thick layer of ‘duff’. Incidentally, water levels are controlled by the locks in the St. Lawrence River and happen to be at their lowest levels since 1928. Finally, it has been around for a gazillion years and unless North America sinks, we are unlikely to go down either. C’mon people, let’s get real!

What island life is really like is waking up with the sun shining brightly through our bedroom window as it faces east. The Canadian geese often honk loud enough to wake us much like our church bell rings in our little village in France. The area is awash in wildlife with ducks, mink, squirrels, chipmunks, raccoons, peregrine falcons, bald eagles, beavers, otter, weasels, wood chucks, turtles and on and on. Yesterday I heard a loud splash like a small child had jumped in the river. As I looked up a large Peregrine Falcon had dove in and was flying off with a 10-inch (25 centimeter) fish in his talons.

This summer the Rideau Canal became a new UNESCO World Heritage Site as “the best preserved canal in North America remaining operational with most or it’s original structures intact” This, in addition to the Thousand Island area having already been declared a UNESCO Biosphere Reserve. The area has a very cool pedigree

Surprisingly few private islands in this area come up for sale. Aside from the fact that real estate prices have gone to the moon in the past few years, most island properties seem to stay within the families. Our property came up for sale as the previous owner was single, without children and elderly. We felt very fortunate to acquire Honey Bee as we have yet to meet an owner that has said of his property “I want to sell this thing!” We do see properties for sale on islands but most often they are one of many lots on the island. Recently we saw a rock in the river half the size of our living room with a tree on it (it qualified as an island) for sale for $50,000. (37,000 Euros) [See pictured] Incredibly, they advertised it as a place you could “dock your boat, hunt and fish”.
Hunt? It reminded me of two gay convicts I once knew playing “hide-n’-seek” in their cell.

Now that we have the basic amenities of any home, much of our day is spent as it would anywhere. With a fully functional kitchen and bathroom, satellite TV and wireless Internet throughout the island, a comfortable living room with fireplace and new windows and doors throughout, we no longer live like refugees. Notice that no glowing mention is made of our bedrooms or porch here, as they are still a work in progress. This the first year that we have gone way out of our comfort zone to explore new areas of the river and its staggering number of islands. We have allowed ourselves more time to go out and play and have begun to get to know a larger geographic footprint of the Thousand Islands. In the past, the lack of a flushing toilet and a wife cooking under a tarp for a couple of summers tended to focus a mans mind as to what his priorities should be.

Someone asked if we had been building for 7 years since we bought the property in 2000. Actually, it took us 18 month to get the submarine cables brought over for power and phone so we did not even show up until the summer of 2002. We spent a month per summer here while I was still working but with travel time back and forth and visiting family we only got 2 weeks of ‘work’ in each summer. This is actually our 3rd summer here so I figure that by the time we leave we will have spent the equivalent of a full year working on the property since we bought it.

One year, not 7.

We certainly have gotten over the novelty of jumping in the boat to go to the mainland although we still meet some people who are incredulous that there is no bridge for us to cross to get home. “So, how do you get there?” they ask.

Duh?

While there is not that much of a physical barrier to the island itself, there is a substantial psychological one. We enjoy great privacy without isolation. We feel that it has meet all of our expectations and it’s a living fantasy. We love being able to run down and leap off the dock into incredibly clear, clean, comfortable (temperature) water. Even the current is gentle, flowing at less than a foot per second. (4 seconds per meter)

Day or night the boat ride is just like a car ride with the life jacket acting as a substitute for the seat belt during nighttime crossings. Speaking of nights, we enjoy spectacular sunsets as we also have a wonderful Western view. Come to think of it, we have a wonderful Southern and Northern view too!


August visitor


Many families have a renegade or a looser in their mists so we are quick to chime up because we have a winner. Recently, we were pleased to have my aunt Monique come spend the day with us. (We are still not at a point where we can have overnight guests, but we are getting a lot closer.) She is a Canadian supervising Federal judge and was scheduled to hear a case in a town nearby the next day. My uncle was playing in a golf tournament so was out of town.

We had a great day together and ended it with us taking her on a moonlight sunset boat ride on the way back to her car parked at our marina. The next day Janice and I got to sit as observers in her courtroom while she was hearing an appeal on a civil matter. Canadian courts have more pomp and ceremony than US courts, a holdover from Canada’s British ties. There were only 8 people in the courtroom. Her highnessness the judge, 3 staff members to her judgeshipness, the two attorneys and Janice and I in the public gallery. It was quite an impressive courtroom with a picture of Queen Elisabeth prominently displayed. I offered to provide an update replacement photo of President George W. Bush but she politely and firmly declined, citing some obscure reference to global warming “It will be a cold day in h…”

At some point during the proceedings, Janice reached in her purse to pull out an ink pen when it suddenly burst, covering both her hands in ink. As quietly as I could, I slithered out of my seat and left the court to go get her some paper towels from the men’s room. Returning within moments, I found the court had recessed for a short break and that her worshiphood had summoned us back to her chambers with talk of my being subject to contempt charges.

Excuse me?

What bogus charges were I being accused of now? Seems that I was unaware that protocol called for anyone leaving the courtroom (even quietly) to bow to the bench and that by simply walking out I had “turned my back on the monarchy”. Returning after the break I sought to prevent any further breaches by searching for any area where I was supposed to genuflect or any odd prayer rugs facing east. I plan to appeal my case over a bottle of wine and a BBQ the next time they are over. Meanwhile, we thoroughly enjoyed seeing her do her work and are very proud of her.


New dog learns old trick

(Or something like that)

For some time I have been wanting to get my feet wet, so to speak, and try my hand at water skiing. I found a pair of skis that had been left behind in the built in storage chest in the boat when we bought it so I didn’t have any excuses left to put it off any longer.

So, on a warm sunny day I got Fran and Tony to come along to captain the boat while I tried my hand at ‘walking on water’. I made some 30 attempts and discovered as many ….eh… reasons why I had other than success. On my first attempt, the boat was too slow. On the second, the water was too deep. On the third, the wind was coming from the wrong direction. On the forth the barometric pressure was off. On the fifth….well you get the idea.

Quit? You surely have me confused with one of them other guys. I have simply rescheduled my training to a time when the conditions are finally right.


Construction update

Without a doubt, we have had quite a month. Jam-packed with eye candy, it is the kind of month that leads people to say, “Wow, you finally got to work!” It is easy to spend a lot of time ‘preparing’ for something and in relatively little time pull it all together making it look like it was no big deal. For one thing we installed all of our Western Red Cedar wood ceilings and dry walled and painted both bedrooms. Then we put our circular staircase in. Whew!












Guest bedroom before

(Go on, double click on the pictures)



Bedroom "after" pic

The Cedar took me several days to coat with Polyurethane, as there was over 1200 linear feet of it needing 3 coats. Laid end to end this would be 2/3 of a mile of wood. (Over a kilometer!). The circular staircase was something else. I mentioned last month when we had returned from picking it up that it was a piece of utilitarian art. I knew that I was responsible for ‘finishing’ it but I did not realize that the artist’s idea of ‘finishing’ meant that I would spend more time on it than she did. I assumed that finishing meant that I would stain it or whatever but it required a considerable amount of finish sanding also.

Some people were surprised that it did not come all assembled ready to install. It does not take much thought though to realize that it would be difficult to transport it 500 miles (800 kilometers) and haul it by boat to the island---much less get it through the front door. No, it actually consisted of 71 Maple pieces including the 15’ X 8” (4.5 m X 20 cm) tree trunk that acts as the center post. It took me a boring 35 man-hours to put 3 coats of clear Polyurethane finish on each piece with sanding in between each coat. Almost a full week’s worth of your time sitting at your desk throwing darts at a world map to choose your next vacation destination! As the computer industry is fond of saying, this was not “plug and play”. I was now ready to put it together as “some assembly was required”. By far the most difficult part was aligning the handrail and spindles, a task that took 4 of us (thank you Wayne and Barb) an afternoon to do.

We were visiting our friends and neighbors Fran and Tony and I was bemoaning the fact that the house was a disaster zone with all the wood spread out over the porch, the living room and even on our dining room table. “In other words” Tony said, “everything is normal”. I was taken back for a moment but realized that he was right. They have know us since the day we bought the Bee and have only seen the place go from one mess to another, all in the name of progress.

We clean up as best we can when we have company but it’s a bit of a charade. No sooner are they off the dock that we pull bags of cement out of the shower, tools from under the sofa and more lumber from behind the bed. You can play this game with the occasional visitor but these guys know better. Our neighbors Malcolm and Rebecca in France have watched us do much the same there. They have all seen the place at it’s very worse, which it seems is most of the time. Come to think of it, it has been our M-O for the better part of our marriage. Are we crazy to think it is worth it?

Don’t bother writing if you have the wrong answer…

People sometimes say they would like to do more around their own home but feel that they don’t know how. I know from experience that you don’t have to know how to do everything. You have to be willing to get started and you need to have a friend who knows more than you do. In France Malcolm has bailed me out of a number of tight spots. Here, it is Wayne. Recently I was having a problem with some creative electrical work I was doing and he spent half a day figuring out what I had put together. Usually I can learn something and walk away a little smarter. In this case I walked away knowing less than when I started. I couldn’t have figured it out in a month of Sunday’s. No matter, it now works!